she looked like the before picture.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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