She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
