Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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