You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
