the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
