he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
