Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
