SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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