Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
