Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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