Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize