went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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