HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
