I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we're making bets on your personal life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
