you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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