Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
