Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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