i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
