We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
