the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
