if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
