I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
