I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
