Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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