saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
