I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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