I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we have pet lesbian snakes
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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