i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
