Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
