she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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