Is it normal to miss your booty call?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
