Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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