Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize