All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
