Sponge bath it is.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
