So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
