i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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