break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
