Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall