I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there's paper in my vomit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Sexting was not on an AP level