He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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