i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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