In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
