Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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