we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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