This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We are two peas in an std pod
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
