heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
