And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
