So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
