just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
