Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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