plz talk dirty to me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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