We won't sleep together?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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