I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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