So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
