I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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