No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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