Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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