Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
