She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
