New low: just hacked my moms facebook
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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