I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
