You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
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Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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